The Sexuality Lure, Balancing Hormones and the Mind

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, having sex brings immense meaning and effects.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great also).

B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are attracted to incredibly tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very near to and bonded with our sex partner. moved here

These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , causing effective sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, closeness, love, and well-being .

But when problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They most likely would not admit it, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, states that much of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay males particularly in urbane locations, sex is easily available, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, motivates sex. If a possible partner is going check these guys out to be sexually suitable, many gay men want to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".

However, North includes, "I suspect this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow gradually.

navigate to this site Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with common sense. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, values, and goals -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!

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